LightShiftingÔ : Shame - The Great Disabler

For most of us in this dysfunctional society, shame was what motivated us to change. We were shamed by our already dysfunctional parents, our teachers, our peers and many others which caused us to feel "bad" about ourselves. Relieving this shame is key to freeing ourselves of "codependent" behavior that keeps us stuck in the illusion that "I need your approval to approve of myself". We feel this way as a result of not obtaining the emotional nurturing & support we needed as children to feel secure within ourselves.

Emotional judgment is relative. What I think of someone is not what's REAL. What IS is REAL. Judgments are simply the egos' way of trying to make one look better than another and this is a result of feeling "less than" in the 1st place - else why the need to compare? It causes separation between one another and is the root of our human dysfunction - the "need" to compete. Though we need to support OURSELVES, there is no need for us to compare ourselves to others and compete against them. This logic is faulty because what's right for us and others are different....The nutrients required for one kind of plant may be the exact opposite of what's necessary for another....It does no good to compare apples to oranges. Besides, what good does it do to do so? We get into ego "righteousness fights" when in fact we can BOTH be right for our own personal Truth as to what is "right" for us. One person's meat can be another one's poison or as we used to say back in the 60's "Everyone's got their own head man."

  1. How did we obtain our negative views of ourselves?
  2. What phrases/actions did others use that resulted in us feeling shameful or guilty?
  3. What phrases/actions did we use that resulted in others feeling shameful or guilty?
  4. Who's to say that other's point of views are any better than our own? Are they?
  5. Who knows better about what we need than ourselves?
  6. Why would we need others' opinion unless we don't Trust our own?
  7. Why don't we Trust our own opinions?

How can we learn to Trust our own opinions again? How can we validate ourselves and invalidate our "inner critic" that holds us hostage with shame? How can we "let go" of the need to live up to others "standards" and start living up to our own? How can we stop trying to make others conform to our "standards" and learn to "Live & Let Live"?